Random rant pt.1

Inactive blog. No idea what to post. The whole blog is very depressing. On a happier note, the expensive $5k  meds seem to be working. My kidney is 'stable' and not fluctuating up and down. It's good. Yeah good. If it was good I don't have to go through this.

Back to rant. I care too much than I should. It's consuming me, it's all I can think about. This sucks big time. I needa stop this and back out when I still can or maybe it's already too late, I'm in too deep. Fuck this. Sigh. What can I do? What...?

Dad's Birthday G/20100103/0058

Aight, went out to eat with family and some close family friends at somewhere. No idea of the exact road name but it's between Lor Marzuki and Lor Sarina at a place called Restaurant something Chai Chee. Loads of food as it was a birthday treat for my dad and 2 others. Advanced birthday for an Aunt and my brother! The whole meal cost $258. Wow.

After that we went to Singapore Expo for the Metro sale. Lots of neat stuff but I was shit broke so I got nothing. Surprisingly there wasn't as much people as I expected. Maybe it was due to the fact that it was quite late and little kids have school tomorrow.

We went to Labrador Park after that. It was actually quite fun. Hang out with family and friends. I actually enjoyed myself despite at first not wanting to go. I'm sure my nephew had a blast.

Random Thoughts

Sometimes I just think and ask myself why this has to happen to me. Sure people will say things happen for a reason, tell me the reason then. Call me emotional but I think I have every fucking right to be. Why does this burden fall onto me? Why why why?? Why me?

Is it not enough that I will be the one going to support my family later. Thats a big responsibility. I also have this thing inside me that is dying if I'm not careful enough. Add to that, I have a skin problem called eczema. Sure the last one not so big as the previous 2 but it's taking its toll on me, mentally. I guess I'm stressed out. Maybe thats why I'm so lazy to work on my holidays cause I'm sure as hell gonna be busy once it's over. Guess I can say that I dont really have much time left eh.

All I want to do is enjoy myself. Enjoy the little things. It's really eating me inside out. I hate this. I don't want any part of it. It was just thrown at me and expect me to handle it well. The burden grew and grew. I'm not getting better any time soon. People with relationship problems think the world ends when their relationship does. I'd exchange my burdens with that any time, pal. Cause then, I can find another person but with a damage kidney, not so much. It also means I dont have to depend on medication to live, to carry on my pathetic life. You know how that feels? To depend on medication just so you can extend your miserable life. Add more burden to your family to pay for the medicine when you don't know how long it'll last?

Oh it doesn't just end there. Oh no. The medicine, those tiny harmless looking tablets has side effects too. Just look prednisolone up. The tiniest but taste the most bitter has BAAADDD side effects. It made me fatter than I already am. Squishing whatever little self-confidence I have left with it. It just keeps getting better and better doesn't it. I can't be bothered to look up the other side effects for the other  6 or 7 medicines I have to take. It just might be overkill for me. I know it make me physically weak cause 5 mins into football and my knee ligament tore, wonderful, another long-term crap I have to deal with. Now I can't play the only sport I ever have interest to play. But do people understand? Would they take the time to learn? No.

I just want to get through this. I am starting to lose hope and faith. Few years back when I was first hospitalised, I thought I can recover, now, I somehow don't think so. I would be lucky to cross 27 years as one doctor told me, if this kidney continue going down, I can live only until that much. Great. For now, I am holding on to what little faith and hope I have left and just wish I can muster enough strength to pull this through.

First post of 2010. Such a delightful and encouraging post from yours truly.

iPhone

I don't know about other people but I am really getting sick of people comparing iPhone's HARDWARE to other phones especially the HTC HD2. I mean come on, the HD2 came few months later than the iPhone, of course it's gonna be 'better'.

The HD2 boasts better camera, processor and more RAM. So fuckin what, the iPhone doesn't lag with its inferior hardware. Sure the HD2 can send files through bluetooth, that's one of iPhone main drawbacks and I don't understand why Apple won't allow us to send files using the bluetooth. And sure Apple need to work on the camera. Those are the 2 main factors that made me hesitant to get the 3GS but after getting the phone, it was a thing in the past. I was never more satisfied in gettin a phone. Oh and tell me which smartphone does not drain battery if you constantly use the phone?

After all, iPhone's strongest point is the apps. It beats other smartphones hands down. There are so many things that can be done with the apps. A jailbroken iPhone can do even more. It can use an app that allows the iPhone to send files through bluetooth like any other phone. So far not many touchscreen phone can compare to the smoothness and sensitive-ness of the iPhone's screen.

20th November

Well, someone told me to write things in my blog and not let that someone out of the loop. Sigh. I just wish there is other medium where that specific person can be kept up to date (:

The good news is that after the $15k medicine treatment, my kidney function improved. Significantly if I may say so. Doctor told me the protein leakage had went down although still slightly higher than normal.

She also said that previously when the biopsy was done, kidney was working 40 to 50%. Now it is about 60%. Yay.

P.S GET IPHONE.

D/20091023/0000 - NUH Clinic D

First medical appointment after my ORD. Also the first appointment after my 2 infusion. Each infusion costs roughly $8,000. Expensive but necessary, wouldnt want to lose one or both kidney so soon do we?

I was told to come 2 hours earlier by the ward for blood/urine test. I usually do the test 3 to a week earlier but hey they told me to come 2 hours earlier before the appointment and so I did. Which turn out that there isnt enough time for them to process it and by end of appointment I dont know the results of the test. What a waste of time and money doing the test. Idiots.

My doctor told me my protein level leakage is back to normal after years of losing more than usual. 2 to 3 times more than usual and was back to normal after just the first infusion. Well, for an $8k medication, who doesnt expect some improvements.

After my appointment my brother fetch me back and we visited our old neighbourhood ;  Clementi Street area. Oh how the place has changed. It look so cool now with pubs around. Only a handful of shops from when I stayed there remained. When going home, my brother's van had a flat tire. Argh. I had to help to change it. Tiring.

Think thats all. Waiting for next appointment to see how I am doing as when I had the infusion, it was fasting month and not much crap entered me :)

Taken from an article I stumbled upon.

75—year—old grandma is Singapore’s oldest living organ donor

SINGAPORE: A 75—year—old grandmother has become Singapore’s oldest living organ donor. Madam Chee Leng Yin donated one of her kidneys to save her seriously—ill daughter.
They say nothing is stronger than the bond between a mother and her daughter.
When Madam Chee found out that she could save her daughter’s life by donating a kidney to her, she didn’t think twice.
She said: "It’s my kidney, it’s my daughter, who can stop me? Once I’ve decided, no one can stop me."
46—year—old Shirley Lau suffered from end—stage kidney failure and needed a kidney transplant to lead a normal life.
Even so, she had reservations about her mother’s sacrifice.
She said: "The feeling is quite complicated because in a way I’m worried, but in a way it is a solution for me. They (the doctors) went through a lot of tests. So based on that fact, we were more assured."
Months after the surgery at the Singapore General Hospital (SGH) in July, both mother and daughter are doing well.
Doctors say being too old to donate is a common misconception about organ donation.
Evidence suggests that older healthy donors are not at a higher risk of surgical complications compared to younger donors.
So more older living donors above the age of 60 could be considered for surgery, if they are found to be mentally and psychologically suitable.
Doctors say that on average, the age difference between an older living donor and the recipient should be 10 to 20 years.
But in Madam Chee and Shirley’s case, their age difference of nearly 30 years is an exception.
Dr Terence Kee, a consultant at SGH’s Department of Renal Medicine, said: "There was special consideration, based on the fact that Shirley’s mum’s kidney function is far beyond average expectation and also the fact that Shirley is a much smaller person who would benefit from receiving her mother’s kidney, which is much more bigger in size."
Studies have shown that the survival rate of up to five years is the same for all patients who receive kidneys from living donors, irrespective of whether the donors are young or old.
In contrast, kidney patients who are on dialysis have a lower survival rate.
About 1,000 people in Singapore suffer from kidney failure every year. At present, over 500 people are on the waiting list for a kidney.
SGH carried out 10 living kidney transplants last year.

Wow. What a sacrifice. Hey, soon they gonna have 501 people waiting on that list. What a lucky person to have someone willingly give a kidney. Just thought I would like to share this article.