Biopsy Results on 20090825

Well, I knew the result wont be good coz I was asked to come earlier. Like an hour earlier than the appointment time. So there I was with my parents. The nurse then walked past me and said " Huzaimi, what happen to you?" I was like huh what..okaay... Is it THAT bad?

When my number was called up, I went in and my doctor told me that, the biopsy managed to get 44 samples of my kidney. 50% of it is totally damaged. Gone. Hopeless. The other 50% is heavily inflamed. I was like whoa, double whammy. I already knew it was not good, but having it in such big numbers is never nice to hear. I was like what did I do in my past life to get this? To counter this while asking PNSD ( Police National Service Department ) if I am covered for an expensive medicine, my doctor suggested an ultra high dosage of steroid. My doctor also said that, just to give some optimism, that the samples are only taken at one part of the kidney, the other parts might still function well. I, however, dont buy it. It's bad and getting worse and I know it.

So then I was to go to outpatient infusion thingy and I was once again in the room I had chemo years back. They took 3 attempts to get a plug in. 100g of steroid was to be drip inside me and for 3 sets of it. The side effect are a lot. I am too lazy to find the pamphlet and type it out right now so yeah. 1 remember some of it though.

1) Moon face - Face will be bloated like I am so fuckin fat.
2) Euphoria or Depression

Some other which I dont really give a damn. I hate having the moon face. I had it 4 years back. Everyone was like "oh my god Huzaimi you put on so much weight". When I said I was sick, some gave the fuckin skeptical face and some of them were caught off guard. Fat person like you? Sick? NAH. Fat person = healthy in their brain. Skinny = sick. Dumbasses.

It was a 1 hour infusion and they let me watch TV in there. I was surprised when I went through the channel and landed on TV3. After that I came out and my parents were talk to my mother's long time friend. She asked me 2 questions that no one ever asked me.

1) How do you feel now that you know the extend of the damage of your kidney?
I answered I was sad of course. How does a 20 year old guy answer to that kind of question?

2) So have you given up or gonna fight on?
I was torn here. I dont know how to answer but...I gave the logical answer that would not disappoint my parents.  I would fight on and continue. But inside, I was asking questions.

Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I mean come on, everyone would ask this question. The questions fit the situation. Not in like some other things like rela.... ;)

I continued the steroid for 2 more days. It gave me super depression, I think. Every little thing that doesnt go my way will have me throw mood swings and tantrum. Every little words can hurt my feelings and have my temper flare up like no one's business. It also makes me suddenly sad and things. You emotional creatures should know. I shall end it with a phrase that I kinda like.

 Sometimes the truth is not enough. Sometimes people deserved to be rewarded for their faith.